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January 14, 2010

Baby, you're going crazy.


Crazy? No, No I'm not.
Am I losing my mind? Yes. Thats a good word for it.

I keep fumbling my words, tripping over my feet and loosing any ideas that I have. I'm becoming less and less of an individual and falling into the social normal.
Everything is becoming so oblique and plain, and Im loosing any faith in a happy life.
Every which way I look ends up as a dead end. My mind runs circles in my head, I'll think of soemthing, and find out its been done before.

Part of me likes finally fitting in. I was a social outcast for so long. I was never the right size, the prettiest, the most outgoing. I was shy and awkward.
I knew what wanting to die and disapear was like at the age of 8.
I knew it at the age of 12. I knew it at 14. I knew it at 16. And now that I'm 17, I'm just starting to forget it.


Anyways, enough ranting. )):

Oh, and just an update:
My grandfather passed away the night of December Thirteenth, 2009, the day after he turned seventyfive.
The world became a worse place because of it.

1 Words:

Mackenzie said...

Honey, I know exactly how you feel. Right now, as I am on staff, I am finding that I am not as original as I thought and I hate it. It makes me depressed and tired. And when my adviser goes behind my back and totally disrespects and shoots me down, it doesn't help much. I can only hope for the longest time, that the next day I will wake up and feel as I did before.
We'll get through this together, even if we are miles away. <3