March 21, 2010

Ask me anything

February 27, 2010

Losing myself..

I feel like I'm losing everything I've ever had.
Chelsea got kicked out, I hardly see my aunt, the person who saved my life, my eldest sister is moving out in may, and my mom has changed into this crazed, psycho bitch.
My grandpa died, two and a half months ago, and the event through me into a deep depression, one I've never known before.

I do not have access to a counselour or a therapist, and I'm so sick of people telling me I need help.
I'm aware of this, stop being rude.

I've been shedding weight pretty fast, I've dropped 30 pounds in the last two months. I guess that doesnt seem like much, but it feels like alot.
I've been under a lot of stress too, and have recently, (for the most part) quit gaia. Too much drama. I love all the friends I've made from there, I just cant deal with it. Too much to handle.

I have met someone that I have really taken a liking to, and would like to date.
But I'm really hesitant. I have so much baggage, and I dont want to weigh him down at such a crucial and stressful time in his life. I want him to fall in love with me as I have with him, but I'm afraid I'll annoy him. ))':

Anyways, I have to go, my mom's gonna be home soon and reading over my shoulder.

January 14, 2010

Baby, you're going crazy.

Crazy? No, No I'm not.
Am I losing my mind? Yes. Thats a good word for it.

I keep fumbling my words, tripping over my feet and loosing any ideas that I have. I'm becoming less and less of an individual and falling into the social normal.
Everything is becoming so oblique and plain, and Im loosing any faith in a happy life.
Every which way I look ends up as a dead end. My mind runs circles in my head, I'll think of soemthing, and find out its been done before.

Part of me likes finally fitting in. I was a social outcast for so long. I was never the right size, the prettiest, the most outgoing. I was shy and awkward.
I knew what wanting to die and disapear was like at the age of 8.
I knew it at the age of 12. I knew it at 14. I knew it at 16. And now that I'm 17, I'm just starting to forget it.

Anyways, enough ranting. )):

Oh, and just an update:
My grandfather passed away the night of December Thirteenth, 2009, the day after he turned seventyfive.
The world became a worse place because of it.